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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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First thing, I step outta my flat on the corner of Killiney Road, and bam! Rain. Just my luck, right? I mean, it’s Foxrock, so I shoulda seen it comin’. The clouds were lookin’ moody, like they were ready to throw a tantrum. I’m dodgin’ puddles like I’m in some kinda obstacle course.

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